The great thing about the internet is it enables you to meet some wonderful people. One such very beautiful soul I recently have come to know is artist, teacher, and minister Julia Speer. It moves me to know such an inspiring woman, makes me feel motivated, and hopeful. I feel she is one of my many soul sisters I have been blessed to know, who are so important and vital to my life. She has an excellent website, www.sagesoulsisters.com and blog, http://wildwomanthoughts.blogspot.com
I am very happy and proud to share with you, her guest post, entitled The Forgotten Relationship.
My new friend and kindred, Catherine, generously
invited me to write a blog post to share. I thought to
myself, “If there were only one thing I could say (to
women), one thing I could share, what would it be?”
I would say, “You can know just how magnificent
you are.” I don’t mean when; when you lose 10
pounds, when you get that promotion, when you
accomplish whatever it is you think you “should” do.
No, I mean right now in this present moment, you
can know the magnificence of the beautiful and the
not-beautiful within you.
I turn 56 in less than 3 weeks, and if there is one
thing I now know like I know like I know, it is that all
that I have ever longed for, searched for, felt was
missing or just not quite right in my life was
addressed with one primary relationship - the
relationship with self. Yeah, I said it. Do you have a
visceral reaction to it? Do you have little voices in
your head that whisper words like selfish,
self-centered, self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic,
unattractive, unspiritual, wrong, bad? Tell me how
did “self” become such a dirty word? It’s like the
word “no” for women. Nice girls are always loving
and giving… to others. From the time we are little
girls we are taught to focus our attention outward
and away from ourselves toward others. We are
taught to focus our time, attention, energy, love,
commitment, generosity, patience, and compassion
to other. This is done often out of balance and to the
exclusion of our self.
How many women do you know who are very
comfortable with giving to others their time,
attention, love and acceptance, but feel
uncomfortable and undeserving when it comes to
giving that same thing to themselves? How many
women do you know who are just as comfortable
with receiving as they are with giving? I have been
facilitating women’s soul work since 1997, and I
have met and know a lot of women. I would have to
say in response to this question, very few. What I
have discovered is that as women, this is one thing
we seem to share universally. I don’t think it’s limited
to the U.S. because women from all over the world
respond to my women’s Facebook page, and it is
certainly broader than American culture. The problem with this message and the resulting
impact is that women disconnect from their bodies.
This is a grave problem because our bodies house
our instincts and intuition. Our bodies tell us the
truth about when we need to say yes and when we
need to say no. In fact, our bodies will tell us exactly
what we need at any point in time if we will but
listen. Sadly, we have been taught to fear this. We
have been programmed to see our body as the
enemy. Most women believe that if they listened to
their body tell them what they need that it would
destroy them with its voracious appetites. But that,
Dear Girls, is a lie. Our magnificent bodies are an
exquisite resource. Most of us have come to believe that if we accepted
ourselves exactly as we are in this moment, we
would become lazy, complacent, unmotivated to
create positive change. We have come to believe
that our harsh inner critic is what motivates us and
keeps us from becoming something undesirable. Is
that really true? Think for a moment about how
humans thrive. What results would you get if you
said to a child the critical things you say to yourself?
Would that child thrive? Would that child be
motivated to risk, to step out of their comfort zone,
to learn new things? Or would that child become
fearful, distrusting, hesitant, lacking confidence? This
is true of any human. If the inner critic actually
worked, wouldn’t all we be in a very different place
by now? The truth is that constant criticism enlists
our lizard brain, the part of our brain that responds
with fight or flight. When we are threatened or
under stress (criticism), our bodies produce cortisol,
a stress hormone. When the body feels consistently
threatened or attacked, the long-term effects of
cortisol can have a negative effect on our overall
health. The body, when under this constant internal
stress, in order to protect itself, will eventually shut
itself down. Depression follows. When a person is
depressed, there is little motivation. So a deeply
ingrained pattern of self-criticism is actually
de-motivating. All that garbage you have been telling yourself all
these years does not help you. It does not expand
your life or nourish you in any way. It is counter-
productive, diminishes your health and impedes your
joy. You deserve joy. Period. Commit to the act of
Embracing. Synonyms: Acceptance. Approval.
Agreement. Implementation. Yes, practice it. Get up
every morning and say yes. Yes to this belly, yes to
these breasts, yes to these hips, thighs, waist, arms.
Yes. Look at your body in the mirror and begin the
practice of loving and accepting yourself right here
and now, all of you. Reconnect with the wisdom of
your body. It has so much to tell you. Look into your
own eyes and begin to build a relationship with
yourself that is honoring and respectful. The self is not some ugly, anti-god monster. The self
is our soul-self, that rich, dark fertile soil of the
psyche. What is there drives our actions whether we
know it or not. We can live from an unconscious,
self-defeating place or a conscious loving place. It is
a choice, but it is not an event. Tending soul is like
tending a garden. It needs love, nourishment, and
nurture. When we make that commitment, we get to
reap the harvest. There is a bounty of joy,
compassion, peace, freedom, and personal
empowerment waiting for each of us. It starts right
here at home, this relationship with myself.
invited me to write a blog post to share. I thought to
myself, “If there were only one thing I could say (to
women), one thing I could share, what would it be?”
I would say, “You can know just how magnificent
you are.” I don’t mean when; when you lose 10
pounds, when you get that promotion, when you
accomplish whatever it is you think you “should” do.
No, I mean right now in this present moment, you
can know the magnificence of the beautiful and the
not-beautiful within you.
I turn 56 in less than 3 weeks, and if there is one
thing I now know like I know like I know, it is that all
that I have ever longed for, searched for, felt was
missing or just not quite right in my life was
addressed with one primary relationship - the
relationship with self. Yeah, I said it. Do you have a
visceral reaction to it? Do you have little voices in
your head that whisper words like selfish,
self-centered, self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic,
unattractive, unspiritual, wrong, bad? Tell me how
did “self” become such a dirty word? It’s like the
word “no” for women. Nice girls are always loving
and giving… to others. From the time we are little
girls we are taught to focus our attention outward
and away from ourselves toward others. We are
taught to focus our time, attention, energy, love,
commitment, generosity, patience, and compassion
to other. This is done often out of balance and to the
exclusion of our self.
How many women do you know who are very
comfortable with giving to others their time,
attention, love and acceptance, but feel
uncomfortable and undeserving when it comes to
giving that same thing to themselves? How many
women do you know who are just as comfortable
with receiving as they are with giving? I have been
facilitating women’s soul work since 1997, and I
have met and know a lot of women. I would have to
say in response to this question, very few. What I
have discovered is that as women, this is one thing
we seem to share universally. I don’t think it’s limited
to the U.S. because women from all over the world
respond to my women’s Facebook page, and it is
certainly broader than American culture. The problem with this message and the resulting
impact is that women disconnect from their bodies.
This is a grave problem because our bodies house
our instincts and intuition. Our bodies tell us the
truth about when we need to say yes and when we
need to say no. In fact, our bodies will tell us exactly
what we need at any point in time if we will but
listen. Sadly, we have been taught to fear this. We
have been programmed to see our body as the
enemy. Most women believe that if they listened to
their body tell them what they need that it would
destroy them with its voracious appetites. But that,
Dear Girls, is a lie. Our magnificent bodies are an
exquisite resource. Most of us have come to believe that if we accepted
ourselves exactly as we are in this moment, we
would become lazy, complacent, unmotivated to
create positive change. We have come to believe
that our harsh inner critic is what motivates us and
keeps us from becoming something undesirable. Is
that really true? Think for a moment about how
humans thrive. What results would you get if you
said to a child the critical things you say to yourself?
Would that child thrive? Would that child be
motivated to risk, to step out of their comfort zone,
to learn new things? Or would that child become
fearful, distrusting, hesitant, lacking confidence? This
is true of any human. If the inner critic actually
worked, wouldn’t all we be in a very different place
by now? The truth is that constant criticism enlists
our lizard brain, the part of our brain that responds
with fight or flight. When we are threatened or
under stress (criticism), our bodies produce cortisol,
a stress hormone. When the body feels consistently
threatened or attacked, the long-term effects of
cortisol can have a negative effect on our overall
health. The body, when under this constant internal
stress, in order to protect itself, will eventually shut
itself down. Depression follows. When a person is
depressed, there is little motivation. So a deeply
ingrained pattern of self-criticism is actually
de-motivating. All that garbage you have been telling yourself all
these years does not help you. It does not expand
your life or nourish you in any way. It is counter-
productive, diminishes your health and impedes your
joy. You deserve joy. Period. Commit to the act of
Embracing. Synonyms: Acceptance. Approval.
Agreement. Implementation. Yes, practice it. Get up
every morning and say yes. Yes to this belly, yes to
these breasts, yes to these hips, thighs, waist, arms.
Yes. Look at your body in the mirror and begin the
practice of loving and accepting yourself right here
and now, all of you. Reconnect with the wisdom of
your body. It has so much to tell you. Look into your
own eyes and begin to build a relationship with
yourself that is honoring and respectful. The self is not some ugly, anti-god monster. The self
is our soul-self, that rich, dark fertile soil of the
psyche. What is there drives our actions whether we
know it or not. We can live from an unconscious,
self-defeating place or a conscious loving place. It is
a choice, but it is not an event. Tending soul is like
tending a garden. It needs love, nourishment, and
nurture. When we make that commitment, we get to
reap the harvest. There is a bounty of joy,
compassion, peace, freedom, and personal
empowerment waiting for each of us. It starts right
here at home, this relationship with myself.