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The Red Shoes-Egg Tempera, Catherine Meyers 2012 |
At night, while in bed, is how I like to read my books.
I absorb certain books little by slowly, and re-read the ones like
Women Who Run With The Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, when I want to do some unconscious digging into my instinct. This instinct is about as Clarissa Pinkola says, is realizing that " the work is to keep doing the work", the work of new growth. Life grows and diminishes in different areas and rates she states.
Dr. Pinkola Estes is not only a Ph.D Jungian analyst, but a cantadora storyteller. She tells these stories to help women restore their vitality by doing what she calls " psychic archeological digs" into the the female unconscious, what she calls the
Wild Woman.
We all have our way of doing things, of expressing ourselves, and I believe it's important to find out what this is in order to find our own voice and our authentic selves.
Thinking about alcoholism and myself as a recovering alcoholic, I decided to read a story concerning the topic of addiction, which brought me to re-reading
The Red Shoes which is a fairy tale by the Danish poet and writer Hans Christian Anderson. It's a rather dark, disturbing story about a young girl who becomes enchanted by red shoes, which make her dance to the point were she cannot stop dancing. Eventually she ends up having her feet severed, the only way she can stop the dancing. It is the story of addiction and finding your own voice, being your authentic self according to your vision, longings, passions and what you value.
Surrounding ourselves with others who will support us in this, is vital to our sense of self, and happiness.
" He who cannot howl, will not find his pack. " - Charles Simic
The Red Shoes
by
Hans Christian Andersen
(1845)
NCE upon a time there was little girl,
pretty and dainty. But in summer time she was obliged to go barefooted
because she was poor, and in winter she had to wear large wooden shoes,
so that her little instep grew quite red.
In the middle of the village lived an old shoemaker’s wife; she sat down
and made, as well as she could, a pair of little shoes out of some old
pieces of red cloth. They were clumsy, but she meant well, for they were
intended for the little girl, whose name was Karen.
Karen received the shoes and wore them for the first time on the day of
her mother’s funeral. They were certainly not suitable for mourning; but
she had no others, and so she put her bare feet into them and walked
behind the humble coffin.
Just then a large old carriage came by, and in it sat an old lady; she
looked at the little girl, and taking pity on her, said to the clergyman,
“Look here, if you will give me the little girl, I will take care of
her.”
Karen believed that this was all on account of the red shoes, but the old
lady thought them hideous, and so they were burnt. Karen herself was
dressed very neatly and cleanly; she was taught to read and to sew, and
people said that she was pretty. But the mirror told her, “You are more
than pretty—you are beautiful.”
One day the Queen was travelling through that part of the country, and
had her little daughter, who was a princess, with her. All the people,
amongst them Karen too, streamed towards the castle, where the little
princess, in fine white clothes, stood before the window and allowed
herself to be stared at. She wore neither a train nor a golden crown, but
beautiful red morocco shoes; they were indeed much finer than those which
the shoemaker’s wife had sewn for little Karen. There is really nothing
in the world that can be compared to red shoes!
Karen was now old enough to be confirmed; she received some new clothes,
and she was also to have some new shoes. The rich shoemaker in the town
took the measure of her little foot in his own room, in which there stood
great glass cases full of pretty shoes and white slippers. It all looked
very lovely, but the old lady could not see very well, and therefore did
not get much pleasure out of it. Amongst the shoes stood a pair of red
ones, like those which the princess had worn. How beautiful they were!
and the shoemaker said that they had been made for a count’s daughter,
but that they had not fitted her.
“I suppose they are of shiny leather?” asked the old lady. “They shine
so.”
“Yes, they do shine,” said Karen. They fitted her, and were bought. But
the old lady knew nothing of their being red, for she would never have
allowed Karen to be confirmed in red shoes, as she was now to be.
Everybody looked at her feet, and the whole of the way from the church
door to the choir it seemed to her as if even the ancient figures on the
monuments, in their stiff collars and long black robes, had their eyes
fixed on her red shoes. It was only of these that she thought when the
clergyman laid his hand upon her head and spoke of the holy baptism, of
the covenant with God, and told her that she was now to be a grown-up
Christian. The organ pealed forth solemnly, and the sweet children’s
voices mingled with that of their old leader; but Karen thought only of
her red shoes. In the afternoon the old lady heard from everybody that
Karen had worn red shoes. She said that it was a shocking thing to do,
that it was very improper, and that Karen was always to go to church in
future in black shoes, even if they were old.
On the following Sunday there was Communion. Karen looked first at the
black shoes, then at the red ones—looked at the red ones again, and put
them on.
The sun was shining gloriously, so Karen and the old lady went along the
footpath through the corn, where it was rather dusty.
At the church door stood an old crippled soldier leaning on a crutch; he
had a wonderfully long beard, more red than white, and he bowed down to
the ground and asked the old lady whether he might wipe her shoes. Then
Karen put out her little foot too. “Dear me, what pretty dancing-shoes!”
said the soldier. “Sit fast, when you dance,” said he, addressing the
shoes, and slapping the soles with his hand.
The old lady gave the soldier some money and then went with Karen into
the church.
And all the people inside looked at Karen’s red shoes, and all the
figures gazed at them; when Karen knelt before the altar and put the
golden goblet to her mouth, she thought only of the red shoes. It seemed
to her as though they were swimming about in the goblet, and she forgot
to sing the psalm, forgot to say the “Lord’s Prayer.”
Now every one came out of church, and the old lady stepped into her
carriage. But just as Karen was lifting up her foot to get in too, the
old soldier said: “Dear me, what pretty dancing shoes!” and Karen could
not help it, she was obliged to dance a few steps; and when she had once
begun, her legs continued to dance. It seemed as if the shoes had got
power over them. She danced round the church corner, for she could not
stop; the coachman had to run after her and seize her. He lifted her into
the carriage, but her feet continued to dance, so that she kicked the
good old lady violently. At last they took off her shoes, and her legs
were at rest.
At home the shoes were put into the cupboard, but Karen could not help
looking at them.
Now the old lady fell ill, and it was said that she would not rise from
her bed again. She had to be nursed and waited upon, and this was no
one’s duty more than Karen’s. But there was a grand ball in the town, and
Karen was invited. She looked at the red shoes, saying to herself that
there was no sin in doing that; she put the red shoes on, thinking there
was no harm in that either; and then she went to the ball; and commenced
to dance.
But when she wanted to go to the right, the shoes danced to the left, and
when she wanted to dance up the room, the shoes danced down the room,
down the stairs through the street, and out through the gates of the
town. She danced, and was obliged to dance, far out into the dark wood.
Suddenly something shone up among the trees, and she believed it was the
moon, for it was a face. But it was the old soldier with the red beard;
he sat there nodding his head and said: “Dear me, what pretty dancing
shoes!”
She was frightened, and wanted to throw the red shoes away; but they
stuck fast. She tore off her stockings, but the shoes had grown fast to
her feet. She danced and was obliged to go on dancing over field and
meadow, in rain and sunshine, by night and by day—but by night it was
most horrible.
She danced out into the open churchyard; but the dead there did not
dance. They had something better to do than that. She wanted to sit down
on the pauper’s grave where the bitter fern grows; but for her there was
neither peace nor rest. And as she danced past the open church door she
saw an angel there in long white robes, with wings reaching from his
shoulders down to the earth; his face was stern and grave, and in his
hand he held a broad shining sword.
“Dance you shall,” said he, “dance in your red shoes till you are pale
and cold, till your skin shrivels up and you are a skeleton! Dance you
shall, from door to door, and where proud and wicked children live you
shall knock, so that they may hear you and fear you! Dance you shall,
dance—!”
“Mercy!” cried Karen. But she did not hear what the angel answered, for
the shoes carried her through the gate into the fields, along highways
and byways, and unceasingly she had to dance.
One morning she danced past a door that she knew well; they were singing
a psalm inside, and a coffin was being carried out covered with flowers.
Then she knew that she was forsaken by every one and damned by the angel
of God.
She danced, and was obliged to go on dancing through the dark night. The
shoes bore her away over thorns and stumps till she was all torn and
bleeding; she danced away over the heath to a lonely little house. Here,
she knew, lived the executioner; and she tapped with her finger at the
window and said:
“Come out, come out! I cannot come in, for I must dance.”
And the executioner said: “I don’t suppose you know who I am. I strike
off the heads of the wicked, and I notice that my axe is tingling to do
so.”
“Don’t cut off my head!” said Karen, “for then I could not repent of my
sin. But cut off my feet with the red shoes.”
And then she confessed all her sin, and the executioner struck off her
feet with the red shoes; but the shoes danced away with the little feet
across the field into the deep forest.
And he carved her a pair of wooden feet and some crutches, and taught her
a psalm which is always sung by sinners; she kissed the hand that guided
the axe, and went away over the heath.
“Now, I have suffered enough for the red shoes,” she said; “I will go to
church, so that people can see me.” And she went quickly up to the
church-door; but when she came there, the red shoes were dancing before
her, and she was frightened, and turned back.
During the whole week she was sad and wept many bitter tears, but when
Sunday came again she said: “Now I have suffered and striven enough. I
believe I am quite as good as many of those who sit in church and give
themselves airs.” And so she went boldly on; but she had not got farther
than the churchyard gate when she saw the red shoes dancing along before
her. Then she became terrified, and turned back and repented right
heartily of her sin.
She went to the parsonage, and begged that she might be taken into
service there. She would be industrious, she said, and do everything that
she could; she did not mind about the wages as long as she had a roof
over her, and was with good people. The pastor’s wife had pity on her,
and took her into service. And she was industrious and thoughtful. She
sat quiet and listened when the pastor read aloud from the Bible in the
evening. All the children liked her very much, but when they spoke about
dress and grandeur and beauty she would shake her head.
On the following Sunday they all went to church, and she was asked
whether she wished to go too; but, with tears in her eyes, she looked
sadly at her crutches. And then the others went to hear God’s Word, but
she went alone into her little room; this was only large enough to hold
the bed and a chair. Here she sat down with her hymn-book, and as she was
reading it with a pious mind, the wind carried the notes of the organ
over to her from the church, and in tears she lifted up her face and
said: “O God! help me!”
Then the sun shone so brightly, and right before her stood an angel of
God in white robes; it was the same one whom she had seen that night at
the church-door. He no longer carried the sharp sword, but a beautiful
green branch, full of roses; with this he touched the ceiling, which rose
up very high, and where he had touched it there shone a golden star. He
touched the walls, which opened wide apart, and she saw the organ which
was pealing forth; she saw the pictures of the old pastors and their
wives, and the congregation sitting in the polished chairs and singing
from their hymn-books. The church itself had come to the poor girl in her
narrow room, or the room had gone to the church. She sat in the pew with
the rest of the pastor’s household, and when they had finished the hymn
and looked up, they nodded and said, “It was right of you to come,
Karen.”
“It was mercy,” said she.
The organ played and the children’s voices in the choir sounded soft and
lovely. The bright warm sunshine streamed through the window into the pew
where Karen sat, and her heart became so filled with it, so filled with
peace and joy, that it broke. Her soul flew on the sunbeams to Heaven,
and no one was there who asked after the
Red Shoes.