I couldn't make it to school today, not having a ride, so I'm trying to get something constructive done. I've got my gesso applied on a new panel to start another painting. I am doing a portrait of my late husband Bill and I have ambivalent feelings about this. Mainly because I am not wanting to find myself faced with the painful feelings that are likely to surface.
I can't help but be compelled to do painting of my family that are gone, regardless of the possible painful feelings I might experience. I intuitively feel for whatever reason, it is a necessary exercise for me and am anxious to see the results of not simply the final painting, but I am interested and ambivalent in how the process will affect me, because of the chosen subject matter. I can't say I completely understand this intellectually on a conscious level, I am following my gut, and doing these paintings of the ones I love who are no longer alive.
The last portrait painting I will paint my late father and mother. That I think this may very well be harder for me to paint, emotionally speaking, more than the subject of my late husband. I won't know until I do it.
I will be once again be working in egg tempera. Firstly my drawing will be the primary foundation part of the painting, and will build on that. I intend to use more brush work with this painting as opposed to using mostly sponges which was the tool I used the in the last piece.
Alright enough babbling for now...to be continued...
The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to - Frida Kahlo
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