“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
- Henry Cloud
This is a powerful quote. I didn't know who said it until today.
I think there have been many people that have said it in one way or another, including myself.
I remember trying to convey this to a friend of mine who was in an unfulfilling and I suspected an abusive relationship. I have attempted to convey this message about pain and change in so many words, a number of times.
I believe the meaning of this quote is something that most humans know intrinsically within our psyches whether conscious or within our unconsciousness. The difficulty in taking action to enable positive change in our lives, way to often is because we are enmeshed in negative situations. It's only when we can manage to get objectively outside of our situation, that changes our perception, and we begin to see exactly how unhealthy and destructive it is to our happiness. We have become codependent and these scenarios continually replay in our lives, if we don't seek help to unravel and really understand the reasons we behave this way.
Sometimes pain doesn't motivate us to change. We are simply reenacting patterns that have become our default, and can even be pathological. We can't change what we don't acknowledge, and if we don't or can't acknowledge what we need to change, I have to ask myself, do I really want to things to change?
Before my own recovery I use to think happiness was for everyone else, not me. I didn't understand how I was the only one responsible for my own happiness. Once I came to realize and understand this, then my life changed 180 degrees. I'm grateful to have changed my mind.
Change Your Mind - Bruce Cockburn
|The Red Road - Coloured Pencil on Paper, Catherine Meyers|
Is not living at all
The old fear going fast
Everybody's scared to fall Turn with the times
Change your mind
Sullen and profane
The ancient temple stands
Dissolving in the rain
Its gods long turned to sand
Forgotten childhood rhyme
Change your mind
Listen for the ring
Of tomorrow's bell
Be the first to sing
From beyond the wishing well
Know what's behind
But change your mind