Friday, February 7, 2014


My cats are very indecisive. They want out, they want in. I open the door, they stand in the doorway, half in, half out, they stare , in a daze, they run back in, or out. I close the door, they run back to the door, wanting out, or in. andon it goes. It's just the way they are, and I forgive them, but sometimes when I've had enough, I just give them the good nudge out the door, and they stay out for a while. I'm glad they don't hold resentments.

Humans can be the same, but unfortunately, with sometimes serious consequences.
Like my cats, I can be forced to make a decision by someone else, and my mind can get made up for me, giving me the proverbial boot out, or in the door; concluding in some kind of unpleasant circumstantial outcome, that I usually don't like.

When people make decisions for us, this does not result in the best outcome leaving us with  angry resentment, and remorseful regret.
The path of least resistance can seem the least risky, and comfortable, however my experience has been, this usually never works out to be the best road.

 The adage, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I have also found to be very true. Half measures avail us nothing, as it noted in Chapter 5 in the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous. Ultimately indecision is a decision, and is not without of consequence, that hopefully will lead to personal growth , learning from some hard lessons, no doubt. I do have to forgive myself, and resolve not to do it again, least my mistakes are all in vain, much to my detriment. As well, I can't expect results without follow through, without action that follows my words, and thought.

Cats don't concern or worry about forgiving themselves, and simply are quite content to leave us stewing over their constant indecisive behaviours. I can only imagine how frustrating, and disappointing our indecision is to our fellow human beings, especially for our friends and family.
 I can recall several occasions when I have been very annoyed, and wanted to throw in the towel, when it came to my own indecision. Though this behaviour can be without much consequence for cats, but for humans, many people wrestle with this often serious dilemma, which can causes us to become our own worst, self-sabotaging enemy. This leaves us with a sense of shame, guilt, and often  thinking of ourselves as a big fat failure.

So what to do about it? I have my box of tools that I bring out on a daily basis. Some days are better than others, but I have improved greatly over the years. As an artist I struggle with the discipline of working at my art, and it is work, contrary to what some may think. This discipline I think comes with age, and experience. I have a 12 Step program that has greatly helped me over the past twenty years. I pray a lot, write a lot and attempt to live in the present moment, and strive to live my moments to the fullest.
 Forbes Magazine has a helpful article, Seven Ways To Conquer  Indecision by Steve Berglas.

I found a compelling blog called, An Artist's Journey To Life , with a post  about Letting Others Make Decisions For Me. This post gave me lots to think about. After reading it I thought, how many times do I forgive myself for my indecision? Haven't got the answer to that one yet, except to say, I forgive myself today, and choose not to let any one else make any decisions for me today, and I will be decisive today.

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