If you've learned from your most painful and joyful experiences, with courage you will find your creative vision, purpose and mission.
We all have a story to tell, and I hope the stories and topics found in this blog will help you to connect with your own creative story.
I might be biased because Carla Bonnell is my cousin, but I am very proud of her. I have not known Carla all my life. We actually never knew one another even existed until a few years ago, like many of my relatives on my father's side of the family. Meeting her, and having long heart to heart conversations about family helped me to greatly appreciate, and love her in a deep familial way.
Though we don't get to see one another much, her own original music has helped me to connect and understand her, because she has a story to tell. I believe this is what artists do, telling the stories that resonate with others, and what it means to be human.
Carla has followed her passion creatively, and intuitively, in spite of set backs. I admire her determination, perseverance, and trust in God to lead, and guide her.
In this video she gives an earnest and heart felt description of her creative musical journey, and what it means to her. I love my cousin and I am so grateful to have connected with her and proud to call her family.
Over the past few years I have found cousins I'd never knew I had. Many I have connected with over social media and it has been a wonderful experience for me as I had been without any knowledge of so many due to the fact my father had long been estranged with his family of origin.
Some of these cousins I have never met face to face. Nonetheless I have a strong connection with them through music, art, theatre, humour and animals all things we are very passionate about.
One of these cousins I heard over a radio program from British Columbia last night. We are both on opposites ends of the country. But hearing his voice for the first time ever last night it was an amazing experience. I felt like I recognized this person immediately as my family, like I'd known him all my life. Perhaps this is what's meant but blood is thicker the water. I have posted a link to the radio show he was interviewed on last night. He is a Comedian, and Actor and a Drag Queen.
I am so proud to call him my cousin Rick Meyers A.K.A. Vikki Smudge.
I think many people spend a lot of their lives contemplating on and about, who they are, especially in relation to their family. Perhaps for the majority us, who have experienced some kind of family dysfunction, like alcoholism, or some other kind of ism, the struggle with the question of personal identity is common. I am no different. It is difficult to wade through all the extraneous familial issues and baggage that result often in years of confusion, self doubt and lack of self esteem.
It has been my own personal experience, that one grows up with a myriad of negative and destructive extremes with growing roots, reaching into all aspects of our lives, often poisoning and damaging our relationships with others , and more importantly especially the relationship with ourselves.
Without continuing on into psychobabble, I will say, I grew up with a very loving mother, a very ill brother, living with Multiple Sclerosis and an absentee father, who was over whelmed by alcohol problems, and his own family of origin dysfunction, which does a complete and thorough job of destroying a family.
I want to share a recent family experience I had this week online.
I have a cousin, I'd only met once face to face, many years ago. She'd emailed me after recently reading my blog. I was thrilled that she''d contacted me. She had been raised by my grandmother, Catherine. I am her name sake. She died a month before I was born.
I'd always longed to know more about her, as I heard she was very talented with her hands and I knew my father had loved her very much. My father did not speak of his familly much, and not knowing my grandmother, I felt it was a great loss in my life, as I believed she would have been a loving mentor to me, as she was creative, strong woman. My cousin spoke very lovingly and tenderheartedly about our grand mother and of my father. I wept healing tears.
After communicating with my newly reacquainted cousin, I found out about more cousins who painted, played music, sang and had a special love of animals and horses. I felt like I had been given a big beautiful piece of the family puzzle from my cousin, who told me about my grandmother, her children and great grand children. I felt a strong sense of my own creative family identity. This encounter was a confirmation, and a validation of who I am, where I am going and it cost me, nothing, but I got a priceless gift in return.
I have posted a tribute video, of my late cousin, Phillip Hahnen, a very talented musician, song writer and a beautiful man, who died far too young. Along with this, another video of another young cousin, Jocelyn, both whom I would have never known even existed, had I'd never decided many years ago, to contact my father after he had been gone for 26 years, from my life. I have never regreted that decision. I did it for myself, but in turn it helped to heal my family.
I am very grateful, for the gift of sobriety, for family and for faith in a God of my understanding, otherwise I'd not be sharing this with you today.
My wonderfully creative childhood friend and artist Cliff Eyland, use to say this, when we were both once long, ennui-suffering teenagers. " Who am I, where am I going, how am I going to get there and how much is it going to cost?" This always made me laugh, but in retrospect they have become very important questions to ask and to answer about life.
