Serenity and the Storm

I've been in a creative funk. I have needed to re-evaluate the art work I am doing. I have had to make a firm decision to change my focus on what I want to do. My heart isn't in what I had thought I was going to undertake for a series.

I did a Tarot reading the other day for a very wise elder. She said some poignant things to me. I don't remember now for the life of me what her exact words were, but I know I was listening very intently with my heart, and I know it was  very important wisdom she was sharing with me. It had to do with following your heart, and following your purpose in life in order to help others. I got the same message from another wise woman last week, who said the work I was doing was "soul work ".  I also got a confirmation of this message today in the daily reading I just finished.
Truth be known, this is the kind of work I want to do, soul work. It's not a good feeling when you are can't seem to make a decision and you are stuck in a kind of limbo and chaos.

I took an inventory of myself today, and admitted I had been doing somethings that are not good for my over all well being, or perhaps I was not doing the things that I know I need to do, in order to keep my mind clear, and not muddled. Not much wonder I have been feeling stuck and frustrated. I turned it over today, to the God of my understanding, and tried to do God's will.

Today I felt hopeful, I felt Spring in my bones for some reason. In spite of the past week being really cold and my pipes freezing upstairs and downstairs even in the kitchen yesterday morning. I was not impressed. Actually I was mad as hell and was feeling like the Ice Queen had put some sort of curse on us.

So when my pipes finally thawed upstairs this afternoon, I sat down in my rocker, and I began to journal. I thought I'd feel better perhaps, as it had been almost a month of not journaling, less one day. This is unusual for me, as I never go longer than a seven days without journaling. I also do daily readings that I had gotten away from over the past month, and I was really becoming derailed so to speak.

I decided I needed to get back on track, and began writing in my journal. After a couple of pages, I suddenly I heard an unusual noise, and thought, that doesn't sound like the water pump downstairs and did not recognize the sound. Then I thought it must be one of the taps in the downstairs bathroom that I must have left open. The temperature warmed up today and so along with upstairs taps thawing, I figured the downstairs bathroom taps did as well. When I walked into the bathroom the tap had blown clear off and a gusher of water was going straight into the air, almost hitting the ceiling, all over me, onto the floor and into the basement. Woooohoooo! I went into a panic. I've been doing that lately.

Fortunately, I had a moment of clarity some how, and thought to turn off water with the shut off valve on the PV pipe under the sink. Problem solved. So I need to replace the washer, that was stretched from being frozen and if that doesn't do it, I'll replace the taps.

When I sat back down I finished my writing, and then did my daily readings. It was a confirmation that I need to keep faith and turn my will over to the God of my understanding. I can't expect to ask God for help and then proceed to take my problems back with worry and confusion, and thinking I don't have to maintain my conscious contact with the God of my understanding to keep on the right track, doing what I want to do. It  never worked before, and why would I think it would work now.

" The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all my problems today. "

" My level of comfort is in direct relation to the degree of willingness I possess at any given moment to give up self-will, and allow God's will to be manifested in my life. " - Daily Reflections

 I think I started to do this today. My worry and fear has been transformed into serenity.

I saw the Beaver today that I share my land with. He had a message for me I'm sure. Here is a Poem I found that sums it up.

Busy, busy, as the beaver,                
Busy, busy, as the beaver,
Persistent in my work and fun,
I plan and labor toward my goals
Until appointed tasks are done.
Beaver, show me how to use
The things at hand to reach my goal,
Balancing my work and pleasure,
My mind and body, and my soul. 

Shout Out

I wanted to give a shout out of gratitude to the Universe and the Great Spirit today in this blog.

Writing daily in my journal over a period of many years, has been and is always a great way for me to keep an ongoing inventory of things I have to be grateful for, and to simply keep the garbage of my mind's windshield clear, so I can see where I'm going a little clearer and enjoy the view!


I go back and forth from blogging to long hand writing in my daily journal and really prefer that for different reasons than blogging. Both have advantages and drawbacks. I will say, long hand writing allows my thoughts to gel and clarify, before I get them down on paper. When I type sometimes my thoughts are pouring out and I write them faster then they come. I am not quite as thoughtful at times when typing. Though I am getting better at slowing my thoughts down to be in cinque with my typing, I still am very partial to the long hand process; even the writing of the letters and sentences in themselves I love.

One of the reasons I am writing today, is to say to the God of my understanding, thank you, thank you, thank you. One of my favorite writers Anne Lamott says two of her best prayers are thank you, thank you, thank you and help me, help me , help me. Mine too. I don't ever want to forget to say thank you. This is what keeps me happy in my life, regardless of what happens, having a grateful attitude toward life in general makes me happy. I believe it is this attitude that is the secret to happiness.

A few days ago I picked up my journal and realized I hadn't documented one of the most momentous events of my life, that has been a constant dream I was consciously and unconsciously wanting and working toward fulfilling. I have written about this some in previous blog entries, relating to my " Soul Bargain". Specifically I am referring to my creative goals, and longings; returning to University to finish my degree in Fine Arts.

For those who are don't know a bit of the background, I will tell you. I was 27 in my last year at the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design and newly married for four months, to the love of my life. He very unexpectedly died and though I tried to return to complete my degree, I was simply unable to cope emotionally, in spite of the fact, I was producing probably my best art work. So, life happened and I wasn't able to return to school.

The fact that I hadn't graduated weighed very heavy on my heart, for many years. With many prayers, trust and persistence, I now find myself after almost thirty years in the incredible and I believe miraculous position of being able to return to the University I always desired to attend. When I left high school, the marks were in the dumper and I didn't think I'd ever be accepted, so I went to NSCAD. I am not sorry I went, but I am absolutely so grateful and my cup is overflowing, that after all these years, I will be attending the University I wanted to originally attend, as I was accepted this summer to attend in the Fall!

On August 7th I received notification my Student Loan application had been approved and with that, this is the final notice I needed to actually be able to go! Because no dough...no go! And for this I am so grateful! As well, I want to say I am so very grateful to all of my friends and family who have been so encouraging and supportive to me in my decision to return to complete my BFA! You guys rock!


It's very easy to loose track of the things we could and should be grateful for and I think this is why for me, it is a very positive, life affirming, transforming and empowering activity to involve myself in. Writing always reminds me, hey, don't forget what you are supposed to remember! Be grateful, be happy! Hell! I feel better already!

And remember this...don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things! Except if it's your horse of course!

Kind Regards - Catherine