Showing posts with label Perfectionism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Perfectionism. Show all posts

Monday, May 19, 2014

My Big Juicy Creative Life


 
“What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65… and you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life?
                                                                                          - Anne Lemott 

When I was a kid I couldn't seem to concentrate, or focus and sit quietly long enough to read a book from start to finish. I'm not exactly sure why. I can speculate I might have had a little ADHD or the type of kid that lived in her body, and was always on the go doing some kind of physical thing, climbing trees, jumping off a roof, looking for frogs along a riverside, or dancing around the living room with an ethereal look on my face, while my mother played the piano, as I imagined I was a great ballerina. I danced every chance I had, because I had a need and a desire, and I was always encouraged to do it. This was a good thing because I believe it is so important that kids are connected to their bodies and to the physical world.

By grade four, I knew I was not going to be a good student in school, as I didn't fit in, and the quality of my teachers went noticeably down.
 I wasn't able to retain facts; memorizing and then regurgitating information that I was supposed to be learning. It was all too boring and dull. I preferred daydreaming and looking out the window, engaging with my fellow classmates, dancing and making art when ever possible.


The first book I read on my own, from cover to cover at the age of 12, was Lewis Carroll's , Alice in Wonderland. It opened up the imaginative world of books. I spent night after night in bed with my flashlight, under the covers, reading until it was finished. I not only wanted to go to Wonderland, I really wanted to be Alice, and fall into that looking glass. I learned the satisfaction of reading a book from start to finish.
I still do my reading in bed at night, minus the flashlight.

 I continued to read, although far from voraciously, but by this time, I had a thirst for the power of imagination. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have had a family that knew the importance of learning and reading, but it was never forced upon me. It happened rather by way of attraction and osmosis, through example, and my own learning evolution. The books I loved when I was a kid, were mostly books about the children and animal adventures, like Huck Fin, Black Beauty, etc. Once in my late teens I was drawn to reading about world religions and philosophy.

I think one of the other books among many, that helped me immeasurably as an adult, is Bird By Bird: Instructions On Writing and Life, by Anne Lamott. She is one of my very favourite authors and she writes about about spirituality and the human condition. Her books have given me strength and guidance. She is great at reminding me to keep things in perspective, with honesty, humour, and humility, as a imperfect human being. She continues to inspire me to keep writing. I love what she has to say about perfectionism and creativity.


“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.” 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Perfection of Life's Messes



I have never exactly struggled with perfectionism, but rather with guilt, and I'm certain the two are directly connected, and for me, it is simply another one of my 'isms, joining the others I seem to have had for longer than I can remember. I'm not complaining. It's who I am, and I've learned to thrive not in spite of, but because of these challenges.

When I was a student I took a course called, Personal Philosophy, at the University of Prince Edward Island. We could pick a topic of our own choosing and interest, that we wanted to explore and construct a paper and present it to the class. I chose the topic of guilt, and I read a book by C. Allison Fitzsimons, Guilt Anger and God - The Patterns of Our Discontents.

This book helped me to understand the where, what, why, when, and how these attitudes and feelings occur, which in turn helped me too overcome the power they had in dictating much of my unhealthy thoughts.

When it comes to writing, I do it because it makes me feel good,  can't seem to help but write and writing makes sense of life's messes. If my writing helps another feel good, well that makes me feel good too.

Having kept journals as far back as 1970, I have had the pleasure and dismay of looking look back on my life's messes, and often have some good laughs at the young girl I was, and in some ways I still am. I have always been an observer of people, and of life. I like to know what makes people, including myself, tick. I have an analytical personality.

One of the reasons I am so attracted to Anne Lamott's writing, is because she seems to understand herself with all her character defects, her messes, and does so with gracious acceptance, humour, and humility, apparent in all of her books. I think of in particular, her book, Bird By Bird  where she gives a clear demonstration and outlook on  her attitude toward life and writing.

" Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft."

 " I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it."

“Clutter and mess show us that life is being lived...Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation... Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist's true friend. What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.”  - Anne Lamott

I especially love this last quote. It makes me feel wonderfully happy, and makes me want to celebrate life's messes! Lets dance!