Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I heard about this site and book called PassiveAggressiveNotes.com on CBC 's Definitely Not The Opera. The notes are imaginative, thoughtful and funny but at the same time serious and some are probably very effective for the writer and the receiver.

I have never considered myself a passive aggressive type. I think most of us have either had moments of being so, or have experienced it first hand, from others and sometimes the worst can be from those we love, and we can aim it toward those we love.

It's important to have a sense of humour when dealing with folks who make passive aggressiveness a way of interacting. It can also be very helpful to get feelings of aggression and anger down in writing for your eyes only and then burning them up can help to let go of resentments.

I have learned I can't afford to carry around resentments adding them to my gunny sack, letting them drag me down.
I think a note in many cases could be very helpful in some situations, especially if imaginative humour is used to get the message across.

Many of us grow up in homes where we learn this behaviour from our families and learn either to become passive or aggressive and never come to understand assertiveness or conflict resolution. We either withdraw and escape within our own world and imaginations or we get loud and strike back in one way or another.

Personally I'd rather someone be aggressive or passive but not both at the same time. At least when someone is aggressive you know what you are dealing with. Passive aggressive folks are more covert, which I think can be more dangerous and if not just as hurtful perhaps more so than overt aggression. Aggression can lead to abuse which is about power and control and is a continuum, that there needs to be a zero tolerance for when it comes to relationships with ourselves and with others.

All that said a creative, funny and disarming note that gets a message across I think can be a useful tool and you might even call it an art.

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