Thursday, March 12, 2009

Sittin' On A Secret?

I haven't written for a while. I've been sitting on a secret of sorts. I've shared it with a few close friends. Sometimes you need to pick and choose who you decide to tell things that are very important to you for your own individual and personal reasons. Trusting in those you can depend on to support you in your decisions, to be positive in their response is essential. Nothing worse than feeling excited about a new challenge and change in your life and direction, then only to get an attitude of negativity, or I think even worse apathy. I'm done with folks like that!

So I am at the point now that I want to share my news. Get it in writing, really for myself. I didn't want to tell anyone until I felt absolutely certain there was a chance for it to really happen. I'm not superstitious, but I think sometimes you just have to trust your gut to tell you when the time is right to let others know what you are doing. I relate this to writing stories that aren't yet finished and you share them with someone. I'm not explaining all the details about this but I know what works for me.

I am proud of myself taking a step that I have hesitated on for so many years now for a few reasons. Some were valid, some were just illusions based on fear and lack self-worth and confidence.

I made the decision about a month ago and started to take tangible steps to actualize what I never really ever thought would ever happen. That decision and action was to return to University to finish and complete my BFA degree I started many years ago...oh I don't want to count how many years ago it has been!

I was in my last year of Art College when the love of my life, my husband, died. We had only been married four months. I wasn't able to complete my degree in spite of returning after being two weeks out of school when this tragic event occurred. When I went back I couldn't do it finding it was impossible to cope with my grief. I was 27, Bill was 26 when he died.

So I am very close to finding out if I can return to complete my degree, as a mature student. I am amazed that I have come to this point, and I can not exactly explain how this has happened but I believe it has to do with following my heart and my passion.

I have a wonderful book by Deepak Chopra, The Path To Love. I have read it and re-read it many times. There is a part in the book that he calls on you to participate in a very important spiritual exercise. This is what I have done over the past year. He calls it a Soul Bargain. I will share this in one of my next posts. I attribute this as a huge part of the reason I am taking steps to return to finish my degree.

I know this... Creativity and Spirit are directly related. Being a life time student is a wonderful thing.

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