The Summer Solstice is an important date to me for a number of reasons, but mostly because it holds loving memories of when my late husband and I were married, in 1980. That was 38 years ago on the Summer Solstice.
When human beings experience tragic death of those they love, and the it comes round to the time when that happened, we might not be completely aware as days approach, but our bodies go into some kind of psycho-physiological state of remembering our loss or trauma. We may not notice until the date arrives especially if many years have past.
It's what's happened to me this year, but it's not that I forgot June 21st, and what it means to me, I always remember, but this year is different perhaps for a compilation of reasons. I lost two dear life long friends to cancer the past year, Father's Day came and went, which brought to surface some sad thoughts and feelings surrounding my father, who left our family when I was 13 years old. Then, at the beginning of June I turned 65, which didn't make me sad, but more reflective of my life and my own mortality, as it's one of those big milestones in life.
This month and today I found myself sad, unmotivated, and even depressed. When telling someone you're depressed it can feel like your saying one of those really dirty words, that leaves you almost feeling the same. If people don't feel they can express to one another feelings of depression, it can cause illness, manifested in a myriad of ways. I'm very grateful to be able to write down my feelings so I can work through them and make some sense of my world. It's a kind of healing catharsis and it's important for my mental health.
I don't believe any one "gets over" the loss of a loved one, and it doesn't matter how many years it's been, or how old we get in age, the pain is still there like a healed over scar, and aches where the wound once was, on those dreary dark days. It may not be the same as when it first happened, but none the less we remember and so does our body.
Instead of keeping it to ourselves it's important to share our feelings with someone else whom we trust to understand, because they've felt similar feelings, and we can share our hope, strength and experience with each other.